Bitcoin Blasts to $126K in Epic Meltdown Rally! 😱😂

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Markets

What to know:

  • Lo and behold, the golden calf of Bitcoin leaped to a stupefying $126,223 on Monday, the likes of which even a noseless face would envy, while ETH scampered to a three-week pinnacle, proving once again that in the kingdom of crypto, the bureaucratic nose always flies where it will. 💰
  • Galaxy and BTC miners, those industrious gnomes of the earthly underworld, led the parade of gains among the crypto stocks, their pockets bulging with the fruits of digital folly.
  • Ah, the perfect tempest of macro absurdities: potent ETF inflows trickling like honey from a bureaucratic hive, supply shortages squeezing like a Vice Governor’s embrace, and safe-haven demands amid government shutdown follies-all conspiring to fuel this rally, as proclaimed by Deribit CCO Jean-David Péquignot, the oracle of options in this carnival of chaos. 😏

“Uptober,” that mischievous wordplay on crypto’s eternally bullish October, wherein pumpkins turn to princes and fools to kings, is merrily fulfilling its satirical destiny! Bitcoin, that insatiable rogue, surges toward lofty all-time highs, dragging altcoins kicking and screaming into the bidding fray, as if possessed by the spirit of some ghostly inspector-general. 🎃😂

Having teased above $125,000 and then retreated like a wary schnauzer from a haunted estate on Sunday, BTC redeemed itself on Monday with a majestic leap to $126,223-a fresh record that would make even Sobakevich blush with envy. At last tally, it hovers around $125,200, up a paltry 1.5% in the last 24 hours, as if to mock the impatience of mortal men.

While the dollar weakens like a provincial clerk under scrutiny, aiding our champion to new pinnacles, BTC has now bested itself in euro heraldry, crossing 106,000 EUR and eclipsing its January zenith, even shattering its mid-August peak in the stern Swiss franc (99,642 CHF), as decreed by the arcane charts of TradingView-a veritable revolution in the annals of absurdity!

Bitcoin’s indomitable vigor ripples through the entire crypto bazaar. Ethereum‘s ether, that sly trickster, advances 4% to grip $4,700, its staunchest level in thrice the weeks of a lunar cycle, steering the ungainly CoinDesk 20 Index toward higher climes. Fellow scamps like the popular memecoin and BNB, that lumbering native of Binance‘s domain, ascend 6% each, for they are bound as tightly as Akaky Akakievich to his overcoat. 🚀🙈

Crypto stocks, those fickle puppets of the market theater, delivered a motley performance on Monday. Retail titan Robinhood (HOOD) tumbled 3%, wailing as Galaxy Digital unveiled GalaxyOne-a fresh crypto trading platform mimicking Robinhood’s essence, sending the latter’s shares soaring 7%, for investors wager on this bold incursion into the brokerage wilderness. Ah, the irony! 😂

Meanwhile, the likes of Coinbase (COIN), Circle (CRCL), and Michael Saylor’s Strategy (MTSR)-that imperious parent-each rose roughly 2%, harmonizing with the market’s effervescent mood, where the CoinDesk 20 Index saw most denizens evince modest upward twirls, like dancers in a provincial masquerade.

Yea, the grandest triumphs befell the mining stocks, erupting upon tidings that OpenAI bartered tens of billions for AMD’s AI chips, potentially granting them a 10% stake in the world of silicon elves-rippling through AI-afflicted realms with seismic whimsy.

Thus, Marathon Digital (MARA), Riot Platforms (RIOT), and Cleanspark (CLSK) each vaulted 10%, propelled by fantasies of data center dominion and perhaps emboldened by Bitcoin’s earlier romp. What a spectacle! 🤑

Perfect storm for BTC

Bitcoin’s uprising flourishes in the embrace of a “perfect storm of macroeconomic tailwinds,” intones Jean-David Péquignot, CCO of Deribit-that options emporium lately ensnared by Coinbase (COIN)-with a tone as solemn as a major’s proclamation. 🤣

The U.S. government’s shuttering nudges debasement wagers toward steadfast havens like gold and BTC; robust ETF floods, coupled with dwindling spot reserves on exchanges, ignite a “self-reinforcing bull cycle,” he declaims in a Monday missive, as if scripting a Russian farce.

The auspices, too, incline upward, he adds, BTC’s double-bottom breach whispering of swift ambitions toward $128,000-$130,000, with perilous upswings to $138,000. Yet, he cautions on overbought perils, hinting at a fleeting shudder down to $118,000-$120,000, for the gods of volatility are capricious indeed.

“Henceforth, heed volatility eruptions and shifts in put volume as harbingers of impending corrections,” Péquignot sermons. “Bulls gaze upon $130K+, while bears may feast on overbought squeezes in this eternal comedy.” What delicious satire! 🎭

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2025-10-07 03:09