Now I reckon oil prices dance like a fiddle at a hoedown-liable to swing from pocket-pickin’ highs to barn-dust lows without so much as a howdy. Yet somehow these three energy gents have turned their derricks into cash registers that’d make a Wall Street banker blush. Let’s take a gander at how they’re mintin’ money while the rest of us chase loose change.
ExxonMobil
ExxonMobil (XOM) hauled in $11.5 billion faster than a Mississippi steamboat this quarter, natchin’ $24.5 billion so far this year. Even with oil prices droppin’ like a sack of wet sand, they’re still on pace to print $50 billion-enough to buy every man, woman, and child in Texas a new pair of boots.
Old XOM ain’t hoardin’ that treasure like a dragon neither. They’re pourin’ $140 billion into projects faster than a preacher at a revival-gotta love that Permian Basin play. By 2030, they expect to flood shareholders with $165 billion in surplus cash. And the dividend? 42 straight years of increases-older than my granddaddy’s fiddle and twice as reliable.
They’re buyin’ back shares like a gambler on a hot streak-$20 billion worth by 2026 if they keep their powder dry. Makes you wonder if they’ve got a money tree growin’ out back.
Chevron
Chevron (CVX) ain’t far behind, slingin’ $8.6 billion from operations this quarter. They’ve got $4.9 billion in free cash jinglin’ in their pocket-$5.5 billion of which went straight to shareholders. 13 quarters straight of handin’ out at least $5 billion? That’s persistence.
With their Hess acquisition finally in the bag and new projects hummin’, they’re fixin’ to add $12.5 billion to their cash river next year. Dividends? 38 years of increases, friend-only thing longer is the line at a barbecue joint.
ConocoPhillips
ConocoPhillips (COP) has wrangled $10.2 billion from operations this year, tossin’ $4.7 billion back to shareholders while buildin’ LNG projects that’ll hum till 2029. Their Willow project in Alaska? Bigger than a moose in a phone booth.
They’re promisin’ $7 billion extra annually by 2029-doublin’ today’s haul. Dividend growth’ll outrun a foxhound, and buybacks’ll keep shares tighter than a new pair of overalls.
Cash-producing machines
These three ain’t drillin’ holes in the ground-they’re runnin’ printing presses. With billions flowin’ like a whiskey river, they’re rewardin’ shareholders while buildin’ empires. In a world where most folks struggle to balance their checkbook, these oil barons turn pumps into ATMs. 🤑
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2025-09-29 13:45