AMD Shares: The Alchemist’s Stone of Ankh-Morpork Investors?

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In the multiverse of investments, starting lines are like the first rune carved into a destiny scroll: messy, often misleading, but occasionally prophetic. Advanced Micro Devices, or as the wizards of the Sto Plains call them, “The Guild of Micro-Deities,” has danced a jester’s jig through the market since April’s great tech selloff. They’ve doubled their coinpurse since the spring equinox, though their stock currently limps along 5% below its year-ago tally. But as the Archchancellor of the Unseen University once said: “It’s not the fall that matters, it’s how many dragons you punch on the way down.”1

The alchemists’ crystal balls are cloudy, but the prognosis for this maker of “central thinking engines” and “picture-weaving crystals” remains cautiously sunny, assuming the Luggage2 of geopolitical chaos doesn’t swallow their shipment carts. Let’s wander through both sides of the parchment scroll. The stakes? Potentially enough gold to buy a small principality.

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1. The Bullish Brew of Alchemical Optimism

The Guild’s recent rally makes sense to any hedge wizard worth their salt. The demand for “generative arcane algorithms” is booming like a dragon with indigestion. AMD‘s been handing out data-center spellbooks faster than a wizard at a fireball convention, even if they’re playing second fiddle to Nvidia‘s “Symphony of Infinite Cores.”3 But as the Bursar of Ankh-Morpork reminds us: “There’s always room for another wizard in a gold rush.”

Before the Empire of the Middle Kingdom decided to play chess with trade tariffs, AMD’s revenue growth looked like a broomstick on a steep incline:

  • Q1 2024: 2% (the gentle slope of a kitten’s yawn)
  • Q2 2024: 9% (a dwarven mine cart leaving the tunnel)
  • Q3 2024: 18% (a dragon spotting a goldsmith’s shop)
  • Q4 2024: 24% (a troll discovering arithmetic)
  • Q1 2025: 36% (the moment the Luggage realizes it’s tax season)
  • Q2 2025: 32% (still faster than a werewolf in a silver mine)

Investors shouldn’t weep over diluted growth rates. The Empire’s embargo on AMD’s “Instinct MI308” crystals cost them 800 shiny gold ingots in inventory charges. Without that hiccup, revenue would’ve kept climbing like a goblin on a sugar rush. Their adjusted gross margin? A healthy 54% if not for the Empire’s tantrum. Even with the chaos, profits matched the prophets’ predictions.

At 27 times next year’s earnings, AMD’s valuation isn’t exactly a bargain bin relic. But consider this: the AI revolution is the Discworld’s equivalent of discovering gunpowder4. You could’ve bought their shares for half price at April’s low, but as the Librarian would say: “Ook. Timing is for chickens.” And chickens, dear reader, rarely become millionaires.

2. The Bearish Fog of War

Nvidia’s the rockstar here, trading at 15.8 times next year’s revenue. But they’re also the Assassins’ Guild of chipmaking-deadly efficient, with margins that make dragons weep. Their 28 times earnings valuation barely outpaces AMD’s, which is impressive when you realize Nvidia’s been eating growth spells for breakfast.

Both Guilds struck a deal with the Empire this summer: surrender 15% of sales to China to lift trade bans. The market cheered, but as any Ankh-Morpork citizen knows, “Trust a diplomat like you’d trust a vampire with a suntan lotion salesman.”5 China’s building its own arcane factories, and homegrown sorcerers are brewing alternatives. AMD can survive without the Middle Kingdom’s gold-32% growth last quarter proves that-but relying on political winds is like building a house on a giant turtle’s back.

The stock’s soared 108% since April’s doldrums, but new trade uncertainties loom like a troll under a bridge. Yet even with these headwinds, AMD’s trajectory resembles a broomstick with a jetpack upgrade. If margins tighten against Nvidia, who’s to say AMD won’t become the Uberwald of chipmakers-feared, respected, and occasionally cursed?

Investing’s never guaranteed, but AMD’s tale reminds me of the old saying: “A diamond in the rough might cut your hand, but it’ll also make you rich.” 🐉


1 Disclaimer: The author has never seen a dragon punch anything. Nor has he met the Archchancellor.
2 The Luggage: A sentient trunk with a taste for valuable exports. Feeds on customs agents.
3 Nvidia’s symphony reportedly plays exclusively in C-sharp, the most profitable key.
4 Or, as the dwarves call it, “the substance that turns mountains into valleys, and vice versa.”
5 The correct answer is: “Not at all, but you’ll tip generously to avoid being bitten.”

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2025-09-28 15:53