Vanguard’s Crypto U-Turn? 🤫

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Vanguard. A name that once conjured images of sensible shoes, tweed jackets, and a profound distrust of anything digital, let alone… *crypto*. They were, shall we say, resolutely Old Guard. Like a particularly stubborn aunt refusing to understand the appeal of TikTok.

Back in the dreary January of 2024, Vanguard pronounced, with the air of a headmaster issuing a decree, that cryptocurrency held no place in a sensible portfolio. Volatility, you see! Unsustainability! Such vulgar displays of speculative enthusiasm. Honestly, the horror.

But, ah, how the ice melts under the warmth of… investor demand. A little birdie (an “insider source,” they call it, so terribly dramatic) has whispered that Vanguard is now ‘exploring’ ways to inflict – forgive me, *offer* – digital assets upon its clientele. A carefully calibrated retreat, naturally. One doesn’t simply leap into the swirling vortex of altcoins, does one? 🧐

This volte-face, of course, is entirely a response to insistent requests from those who apparently enjoy a bit of financial frisson. And, one supposes, the increasingly palatable regulatory landscape, which no doubt involves a great deal of paperwork and concerned frowning.

Unlike BlackRock, who dove in with characteristic boldness (one might even say recklessness), Vanguard isn’t planning its own fancy ETF just yet. They’ll simply allow access to others’ creations. A cautious flirtation, then. Like a hesitant dance before the full embrace.

Do read on, if you are so inclined, for the divinely speculative details of Vanguard’s machinations, and a selection of altcoins guaranteed (absolutely not guaranteed) to tickle your portfolio.

Vanguard’s Secret Affection for the Digital Rebellion

While vocally dismissing the excesses of the crypto world, Vanguard, with a delicious irony, has been rather handsomely invested in MicroStrategy (MSTR). A company enthusiastically hoarding Bitcoin like a squirrel preparing for an exceptionally long winter.

MicroStrategy, as you may know, boasts a staggering collection of 639,835 Bitcoin tokens. And Vanguard? Why, they own a rather substantial 20 million shares in MicroStrategy. A quiet 8% stake. A little secret indulgence, perhaps? 🙃

Adding to this delightful hypocrisy, Vanguard appointed Salim Ramji, a man with a suspiciously crypto-friendly pedigree, as CEO in July 2024. Mr. Ramji was, it turns out, instrumental in launching BlackRock’s iBIT spot Bitcoin ETF. A most curious appointment, wouldn’t you agree?

Naturally, the new CEO felt obliged to issue a disclaimer in August, stating that Vanguard remained committed to… well, to not immediately launching any crypto ETFs. A reassuringly bland statement. But, as we know, words are merely air. And the market has a way of making its own statements.

Vanguard’s resistance, while understandable from a bureaucratic point of view, risks leaving its investors… bored. And bored investors, as any seasoned fund manager will tell you, are dangerous investors.

Eric Balchunas, a gentleman who makes his living analyzing ETFs (a remarkably niche profession), declared Vanguard’s shift “massive” for Bitcoin ETFs. Fifty million investors, you see, represents a rather significant pool of capital. A veritable flood waiting to be unleashed. One shudders at the possibilities.

So, with Vanguard finally tiptoeing into the crypto arena, the moment is ripe – positively *glorious* – to construct your own digital treasure hoard. But merely accruing the usual suspects (Bitcoin, Ethereum, the dull respectability of it all) is… insufficient. One must dabble in the exotic. Invest in the nascent. Embrace the potential for magnificent financial ruin.

1. Bitcoin Hyper ($HYPER) – A Layer-2 Escapade for the Bitcoin Enthusiast

Bitcoin Hyper ($HYPER) is, apparently, the ‘first-ever’ Layer 2 solution for Bitcoin. Designed to solve the blockchain’s… shortcomings. Bitcoin, bless its heart, is a bit like a stately old sedan. Reliable, certainly, but hardly nimble.

It can process a grand total of seven transactions per second – a glacial pace in the modern world. Solana, by comparison, can handle a rather boisterous 65,000. The disparity is… striking, isn’t it?

Bitcoin Hyper aims to bridge this gap by incorporating the Solana Virtual Machine (SVM). A rather clever bit of technological appropriation, if I may say so. Essentially, grafting the speed of Solana onto the security of Bitcoin. A Frankensteinian creation with potential, admittedly.

This allows for the construction of, and prepare yourselves for jargon, ‘dApps’ and ‘smart contracts’ directly on Bitcoin. The SVM utilizes ‘parallel execution’ – a fancy way of saying it can handle multiple transactions simultaneously, provided they aren’t squabbling with one another.

These transactions occur ‘off-chain’, preserving the sacred sanctity of Layer 1 security. Naturally.

A ‘non-custodial canonical bridge’ (more jargon!) locks up your Bitcoin and mints ‘Web3-compatible Layer 2 tokens’. These tokens can then be used for the usual activities: staking, lending, borrowing, and the occasional digital trinket. And, of course, you can always reclaim your original Bitcoin. Like returning a borrowed book.

This ‘utility-driven approach’ has apparently raised $18.5 million in a presale. The gullibility of investors knows no bounds. At present, one $HYPER will set you back a mere $0.012985. A potentially ‘explosive’ return of 2,364% by the end of 2025, they claim. One can only dream.

If you are feeling particularly adventurous, here is a step-by-step guide on how to acquire this digital curiosity.

Visit Bitcoin Hyper’s website for further enlightenment. Or, you know, just read a novel.

2. SUBBD Token ($SUBBD) – A Platform for Content Creators (and Their Longing for Revenue)

SUBBD Token ($SUBBD) powers a content creation platform. A noble endeavor, perhaps, but one fraught with peril. The internet, after all, is already brimming with content. Most of it utterly forgettable.

Imagine the plight of the content creator! Pouring hours into a masterpiece, only to have the platform snatch 70% of the earnings. A scandal! A travesty! Clearly, something must be done.

SUBBD, naturally, charges a ‘fraction’ of the earnings. A benevolent overlord, offering a full suite of AI tools – voice generators, image creators, the whole synthetic panoply – to assist in the creation of ‘engaging’ content. (Engagement being the holy grail of the digital age.)

SUBBD token holders can access ‘premium content’, subscribe to their favorites, request ‘personalized videos’ (shudder), and send ‘tokens of appreciation’. A digital patronage system, if you will.

Staking $SUBBD offers a fixed 20% return in the first year. A predictably attractive lure. And access to ‘exclusive behind-the-scenes content’. Because everyone desperately wants to see what goes on behind the scenes of amateur video production.

The presale has already pulled in over $1.2 million, with each token costing a mere $0.05652. A bargain, one might say. A ‘staggering’ 432% return is projected by the end of 2025. A claim to be viewed with, shall we say, judicious skepticism.

For more details, consult SUBBD Token’s official website. Or, again, consider a long walk in the countryside.

3. MemeCore ($M) – The Serious Business of Digital Jest

MemeCore ($M) is a Layer-1 blockchain. A blockchain dedicated to… memes. One wonders if we have collectively lost our minds. But, then again, perhaps not. 😏

Meme coins are often dismissed as frivolous, ephemeral bubbles. Entertainment-driven cryptocurrencies, thriving on virality and a desperate need for internet points. But MemeCore seeks to elevate the meme to an art form. A revolutionary gesture.

It introduces a ‘Proof-of-Meme’ mechanism, rewarding every form of on-chain activity. Creating memes, staking tokens, trading – all contribute to the strength of the network. A truly democratic system. Or, perhaps, a delightful distraction from the existential dread of modern life.

$M is the native currency, powering transactions and reward distributions. Naturally.

The token apparently had a ‘strong breakout’ on September 4, surpassing a ‘long-term resistance’ level of $1. A thrilling development, for those who track such things. And hit a high of $2.96 on September 18. It is currently trading at $2.33. A volatile existence, indeed.

Buy $M on BingX, if you dare.

In Conclusion

: With Vanguard beginning its meandering journey into the crypto world, a new dawn of liquidity beckons. It’s time, then, to gamble (invest!) in the aforementioned altcoins: Bitcoin Hyper ($HYPER), SUBBD Token ($SUBBD), and MemeCore ($M).

Disclaimer: Please remember that indulging in crypto is akin to engaging in a whimsical wager. This is not financial advice. Do your own research. And prepare for the possibility of total, unmitigated loss.

By Krishi Chowdhary, Bitcoinist – https://bitcoinist.com/best-altcoins-to-buy-after-vanguard-crypto-etf-shift

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2025-09-27 13:51