So, you think you can buy Starbucks with $10k in 2025 and be a millionaire by 2035? Let’s not pretend this isn’t the kind of delusion that makes me want to drink my own coffee. The stock’s been a trainwreck for five years-down 4%-and yet here we are, pretending the universe will suddenly align to make us rich.
They hired Brian Niccol from Chipotle to fix the mess, which feels like hiring a magician to fix a broken toaster. The problem isn’t just the menu or the wait times-it’s the fact that Starbucks seems to have forgotten how to be a brand that people actually like. It’s like dating someone who keeps changing their mind about their political views. You’re just… confused.
The numbers? Ugh. Same-store sales are down again, and the P/E ratio is so high, it’s basically a metaphor for human desperation. But hey, at least they’ve got 41k locations. I mean, if you’re going to fail, fail big, right?
Trying to turn things around
Niccol’s got a plan, I guess. More employee training, simpler menus. It’s the same old “we’ll fix it” routine that’s been trotted out since the dawn of corporate jargon. I’m not saying it won’t work, but let’s not act like this is a surprise. Companies always say they’re “building back a better business.” What they really mean is, “We’re not dead yet.”
And let’s not forget the Starbucks Rewards program. 34 million members? That’s more people than I’ve had in my life who actually liked me. But here’s the kicker: it’s not magic. It’s data. And data doesn’t fix bad decisions. It just tells you how bad they are.
Dominating the retail coffee market
Yeah, they’ve got a $94 billion market cap. That’s a lot of money. But let’s not confuse size with strength. A giant ship isn’t immune to storms. And right now, Starbucks is caught in a gale of its own making.
The S&P 500 has been a better bet for 30 years. Not because it’s flawless, but because it’s not a coffee company trying to convince everyone it’s a tech startup.
Should you buy Starbucks?
The analysts say revenue will grow 5.5% annually. That’s like saying you’ll get a promotion next year. It’s possible, but not exactly a guarantee. And the P/E ratio? 35.8? That’s not a number, that’s a warning sign.
If you’re looking for a sure thing, maybe invest in a lottery ticket. At least that’s honest about its odds. Starbucks is the guy at the party who says, “I’m fine, really,” while spilling wine on your rug.
So, can $10k turn into $1m in a decade? Let’s be real-unless you’re a genius or a fraud, probably not. Diversify. Be reasonable. Or, you know, keep drinking their coffee and pretend you’re not part of the problem.
💸
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2025-09-21 22:53