Metaplanet’s Galactic Quest for Bitcoin: Will It Save or Doom the Earth?

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Welcome to the universe of Metaplanet Inc., the Tokyo-listed investment company with grander ambitions than just surviving the great financial black hole. They just announced plans to raise more than $1.38 billion (204.1 billion yen) through an overseas share offering. Tragically, the meeting you weren’t invited to.

With most of these funds earmarked to expand its already cosmic-size Bitcoin collection, Metaplanet is embracing digital assets in a ‘treasury strategy’ braver than a Vogon reciting poetry at dinner.

Share Offering and Capital Configuration

The board, in a moment of inspired clarity, approved the issuance of 385 million new shares at $3.75 (553 yen) a pop. This jazzy affair will see the company’s outstanding shares rocket from 755.9 million to 1.14 billion, with net proceeds amounting to a planet-saving (or maybe just planet-sinking) $1.38 billion.

The money trees will disgorge payment on September 16, and the delivery will follow on September 17. Opting for an international placement, Metaplanet plans to court exotic, non-Japanese investors like a Vogon courtship, presumably in the hope of embracing a more diverse array of blood pressure measurements.

Of the proceeds, a wallet-denting $1.24 billion will be invested in Bitcoin purchases back in September and October 2025-four years away, because who keeps track of time in the banking sector? According to the company, bolstering Bitcoin reserves is akin to using a deflector shield against yen depreciation and inflationary asteroids.

As of September 1, 2025 (predictions are so 2120), Metaplanet is gearing up to wield 20,000 BTC, totaling an almost laughably high $2.06 billion. The executives claim Bitcoin safeguards profound long-term value growth and retirement plans from the proverbial clutches of negative real interest rates. But who really understands the answer to the Great Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything?

Bitcoin Income Business Expansion

Another $138 million will be allocated to expand the Bitcoin income business through options trading. The operation, like a hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional being, reported sales of $8.34 million in the second quarter of fiscal 2025. With this new goldmine, Metaplanet aspires to chest-thump full-year profitability in the segment by December. Because nothing spells joy, like a company full of profit islanders breaking into a spontaneous jig.

These maneuvers reinforce the company’s identity as Japan’s whopper of a corporate Bitcoin holder. A position as geeky and strategic as the fleet commander of a Galactic Government’s Death Star project, going completely unnoticed but for the 1% of relevance. Notably, these actions mimic strategies by several US firms that treat Bitcoin like a pet goldfish hamster-best leave it in the bathtub.

Meanwhile, crypto treasury firms are having a tough time, wobbling like someone who’s just swallowed a Babel fish whole. As mNAV spirals and share prices wither, these firms rely heavily on equity-perhaps hoping for a martini and a do-over. While still embroiled in the space mines, these firms’ reliance on fundraising could slow the once-rocket-like Bitcoin investment strategy to a brisk amble.

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2025-09-10 10:23