If you think I’m excited about EchoStar’s stock move today, wait until you hear me talk about my dating life. On Tuesday, EchoStar (SATS) was still riding the high of its $19 billion spectrum deal with SpaceX-because nothing says “I’m not a fraud” like partnering with a man who tweets about Mars at 3 a.m. Investors, clearly desperate for any glimmer of hope, clung to this starry-eyed narrative like a sobbing ex to a voicemail. And let’s not forget the analysts, who upgraded the stock with the enthusiasm of a junkie spotting a $20 bill in a parking lot.
By closing time, EchoStar had climbed nearly 4%, while the S&P 500 sulked at 0.3%. The market’s basically saying, “Sure, why not? At least this one’s not owned by a toaster.”
Only the beginning? Or the beginning of the end?
Deutsche Bank, that paragon of financial integrity, decided to play matchmaker. Their analysts cranked their price target to $102-a 52% leap-from $67. Because nothing says “trust me” like a bank that once bet against the housing market and lost. Their reasoning? The “blockbuster” deal, which they claim will net EchoStar $14.4 billion post-tax. Cash and SpaceX equity-because why not let investors gamble on whether Starlink will ever turn a profit?
But here’s the kicker: Deutsche also hinted that EchoStar’s AWS-3 portfolio could fetch another $9.9 billion. And who’s the likely buyer? Verizon, of course. Because nothing says “strategic” like selling spectrum to a telecom giant with the agility of a sloth on Prozac.
A shift might be coming-or not. Who knows?
If this is EchoStar’s grand plan-sell everything and hope SpaceX doesn’t implode-it’s either genius or a cry for help. The sell-off raises the obvious question: What’s left? A shell company with a really cool logo? Investors, I’m begging you, lean in when management speaks. Because if this is a pivot, it’s the kind that ends with a PowerPoint slide titled “Apologies, We’ve Hosed You.”
But hey, at least the stock’s up. And isn’t that all that matters? 🚀
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2025-09-10 02:18