CoreWeave’s Stock Plunge: A Masterclass in Corporate Theater

CoreWeave (CRWV) shares are cratering today-down 10.8% by 1:06 p.m. ET-because nothing says “confidence” like tanking alongside the S&P 500. Of course, the Nasdaq Composite isn’t helping, down 1.5%. It’s like a dinner party where everyone brings a plate of regret.

The real drama? CoreWeave’s acquisition of Core Scientific, a deal so fraught with bad faith it makes a divorce proceeding look like a trust exercise. Let’s call it what it is: a corporate game of hot potato where nobody wants to hold the grenade.

Core Scientific’s Shareholders: The Original Insulted Party

Back in the summer, when CoreWeave’s stock was riding high on AI hype, they struck a deal with Core Scientific. The logic? “Let’s merge our cores-literally!”-a move that would expand CoreWeave’s data center capacity like a toddler’s vocabulary. But here’s the kicker: the deal was all stock. No cash. Just $9 billion worth of CoreWeave shares. Which, as of yesterday, are now worth about as much as a promise from a CEO during a Q4 earnings call.

Core Scientific’s shareholders, bless their pettiness, are now throwing a tantrum. The deal’s “notional value” has halved, and suddenly everyone’s a negotiator. It’s the corporate equivalent of RSVPing to a potluck and then complaining when the casserole is lukewarm. The real crime? CoreWeave didn’t offer enough free stock options to placate the egos of people who probably still use Excel for budgeting.

Investors, predictably, are spooked. Is the deal dead? Is it alive? Is it just a shell company waiting to be exorcised? Nobody knows, but everyone’s selling. It’s the financial markets’ version of “Is that a moose in the living room? No, it’s just a metaphor.”

AI Infrastructure: The Most Expensive To-Do List in History

Let’s be clear: building AI data centers is like trying to build a sandcastle during a hurricane. It’s expensive, it’s messy, and the only people who think it’s a good idea are the ones with venture capital and delusions of grandeur. CoreWeave’s relying on “expensive financing” to keep the lights on, which is corporate jargon for “we’re borrowing money to buy more servers while hoping the AI boom never ends.”

But here’s the real social transgression: CoreWeave’s entire business model hinges on the assumption that investors will forget how absurd this all is. And yet, here we are-another day, another stock plunge, another CEO blaming the “volatile market.” If only there were a rule against pretending optimism is a strategy. 🤡

2025-09-02 21:50

Core Scientific’s Shareholders: The Original Insulted Party

AI Infrastructure: The Most Expensive To-Do List in History

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