Three years ago, the stock market was seized by a force neither natural nor entirely terrestrial. Some called it “artificial intelligence” – a phrase as slippery and protean as the devil’s own promises. The faithful built temples of silicon and code, while the skeptics muttered about tulips and bubbles. But David Tepper, that modern-day Pontius Pilate of hedge funds, didn’t waste time on theological debates. He simply opened his coffer and began purchasing relics.
The billionaire’s latest sacraments include five AI “stocks” acquired in Q2 2025. Wall Street’s prophets now proclaim one will ascend to heavenly heights. But as the Master might say: “Beware the hour when the market’s angels sing – their hymns often precede a crash.”
The Alchemist’s Shopping List
Amazon (AMZN), Tepper’s third-largest holding, grows like ivy around the crumbling walls of traditional commerce. Appaloosa added 7.57% more shares, as if the fund believed Jeff Bezos’ shadow could outlive its creator. The position now glows like a candle worth $592 million.
Nvidia (NVDA), that conjurer of GPU spells, saw its stock surge 483% in Tepper’s portfolio. The purchase devoured his previous Q1 sale of 380,000 shares, like a serpent eating its own tail. One wonders if Jensen Huang left a blood pact in the fine print.
Taiwan Semiconductor (TSM) received 755,000 new shares, swelling Appaloosa’s stake by 280%. In Taipei, they say the chips are blessed by mountain spirits – though whether they’re powering AI or curses remains unclear.
Intel (INTC) entered Tepper’s grimoire with 8 million shares acquired before the U.S. government materialized as a 10% shareholder. A deus ex machina, perhaps? Or merely the state’s eternal game of musical chairs?
Micron (MU), though small in Appaloosa’s trove, doubled its holdings. Analysts now debate whether this is alchemy or arson.
Wall Street’s Prophecies
Intel’s prophets speak in tongues of doom. LSEG’s augurs show 42 out of 44 analysts chanting “sell” or “hold” – a consensus colder than the void between galaxies. The stock floats like a corpse in the river Styx.
Nvidia’s seers predict 7% gains, though they watch for omens in the Q2 earnings entrails. As the witches warned Macbeth: “Beware the smile that hides the knife.”
Amazon and Taiwan Semi bask in 15% and 14.5% price targets – numbers as round and satisfying as a bishop’s blessing. But Micron? Rosenblatt’s Kevin Cassidy prophesies $200, a target higher than the Tower of Babel.
“AI will flood the world with data,” he declares, “and Micron’s DRAM shall drink it like holy water.” The stock trades at a P/E of 8.98 – a number so low, it might be the devil’s own discount.
The Eternal Question
Is Wall Street right? The answer, dear reader, depends on whether you believe the market’s a cathedral or a carnival. Tepper’s purchases suggest he sees AI as both altar and amusement park.
Amazon’s cloud still weeps profits from e-commerce eyes. Its AWS reigns like a Byzantine emperor, while healthcare ventures bloom like mushrooms after rain. But does the cloud truly think, or merely mimic thought like a trained raven?
Nvidia’s Blackwell GPUs sell faster than indulgences in a plague year. The company’s customers build data centers that hum like cathedrals of silicon – though whether they serve God or Moloch remains undecided.
In this grand theater of the absurd, two truths emerge: the market is a fickle mistress, and every bull run carries the scent of impending winter. As Woland himself might whisper: “Progress? There is no progress, only the eternal waltz of folly and faith.”
One might say Tepper’s portfolio is simply capitalism’s latest masquerade ball. But what happens when the music stops and the masks fall? 🎭
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2025-08-27 12:28