What you absolutely must pretend to care about:
- Gemini, that ever-ambitious crypto bazaar, now offers an XRP credit card with Ripple, promising rewards so generous even the most ardent crypto enthusiasts might briefly forget their existential dread.
- The illustrious RLUSD stablecoin, an invention so stable it might just lull you to sleep, is now the toast of all spot trading pairs for privileged U.S. inhabitants.
- Gemini’s June IPO filing: because billionaires just love the thrill of paperwork.
Gemini, conceived in the fevered minds of Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss-those tireless athletes of fortune-has announced its dalliance with Ripple to birth an XRP credit card. This union, so electric it could light up all of Wall Street (if only Wall Street ran on ambition and memes), gifts you crypto rewards whilst you attempt to purchase anything more glamorous than self-respect.
The credit card, courtesy of WebBank-that mysterious entity that presumably exists-enchants users with up to 4% XRP on the noble pursuits of fuel, e-scooter charging, and taking rideshares because walking is terribly passé. Dining tantalizes you with 3% (enough for half an avocado toast), groceries bestow an almost magnanimous 2%, and miscellaneous spendings lag behind with a meek 1%. If you’re clever (or simply lucky), select merchants offer a staggering 10% back, and you’ll finally have an excuse for buying three dozen USB cables 🤡.
“We’re giving customers and the XRP Army new ways to earn XRP and express their passion, loyalty, and excitement,” Tyler Winklevoss declared, presumably while practicing his regal wave. One can only imagine the XRP Army, bedecked in virtual medals, chanting poems to their digital coins.
Gemini is likewise broadening RLUSD, Ripple’s $680 million stablecoin (guaranteed to be as boring as actual dollars), now installed as the base currency for all spot trading pairs in the American sector. The process promises traders an effortless ballet between assets, sparing them the torment of extra conversion steps-because in crypto, simplicity is a luxury as rare as restraint. 🤑
Ripple’s own bard, Brad Garlinghouse, offered: “Fifty-five million Americans own crypto and that number is only increasing as more people look for easier ways to access and use it in their daily lives.” And thus, daily life becomes a feverish rush for points, rewards, and fleeting senses of accomplishment.
Meanwhile, Gemini, in its quest for grandeur and global expansion (read: more yacht parties), began trading tokenized U.S. stocks this June. If that’s not enough, Malta, awash with regulation and sunlight, handed Gemini a MiCA license so the twins could expand their empire and buy an excess of sunblock.
Their IPO paperwork-never let it be said the twins lack drama-disclosed a delightful $75 million credit facility courtesy of Ripple and a net loss of $282 million in the first half of the year. No need for alarm; in crypto, losing money is practically fashionable. 🥂
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2025-08-25 18:09