Bitcoin, Fed & The Grand $117K Impasse: Bulls, Bears, and Absurdity Unleashed

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Oh! If only the wise Ivan Ivanovich had foreseen it all! Bitcoin, that mighty digital rouble, soared to a dizzying all-time high above $124,000-making even the most brazen merchants of Petersburg clutch their fur-lined wallets in disbelief! But alas, as the iron-legged Federal Reserve shuffled its papers and whispered sweet nothings of interest rate cuts, the invisible market hand hustled Bitcoin back to a solemn support zone quicker than you could say “two kopeks and an onion.”

By Shayan, though surely not the ghost of Akaky Akakievich

The Daily Chart: Bleak Prospects & Hopes Bright as a Candle

Upon casting one’s jaundiced eye to the daily chart, what does one see? The virtuous coin has tripped-nay, tumbled-below its formerly reassuring ascending channel. A reversal, comrade! Could this not be a sign from Gogol’s spectres, or perhaps the government clerk who lost his overcoat? Yet, hope appears in the form of Federal Reserve rumors: Interest rate cut! Say it thrice and the ruble dances. And so, the noble Bitcoin rebounds from $110,000, clutching the comforting hem of the 100-day moving average-a truly motherly embrace. The RSI circles at 50, like Gregor peering out his parlor window, undecided and perpetually melancholic.

Should fate (or market sentiment, which is really just fate in a fancy coat) show mercy and permit this rally to gather steam, perchance $130,000 awaits, glimmering in the fog. If not-well-the dreaded 200-day moving average looms below, ready to remind us all of life’s impermanence. The $100,000 level beckons with all the friendliness of a bureaucrat at closing time. 😬

A chart more indecisive than a St. Petersburg committee

The 4-Hour Chart: Drama Unfolds Like Cheap Wallpaper

Now, examine the 4-hour chart-a true novella, where Bitcoin dips its toes at $112,000 (the August low, for those who genuinely care about such dates-the rest may pretend). The market-perhaps inspired by the latest scandal at the post office-leaps feverishly toward $117,000 at the mere mention of interest rate cuts. Not sideways or diagonally, but upward, like a clerk running from his own shadow.

This $117,000 resistance: as obstinate as a landlord, as unmoved as an old maid with a teacup. If buyers falter here (and they often do, speaking from bitter Petersburg experience), back to $112,000 we tumble, with a bonus trip to $100,000 if destiny is feeling capricious. A strong break here could trigger liquidations-an event more spectacular than the governor’s annual ball, and twice as messy. ⚡️

A chart for souls who love uncertainty

Onchain Analysis: The Funding Folly

Funding Rates: Bullish Delusions and Cascading Calamity

The funding rates-those mysterious numbers conjured by mathematicians with too much time-remain positive, suggesting bulls have not yet succumbed to existential dread. There have been liquidation phases, yes, but one suspects the traders involved were already losing sleep over other matters, like cats that refuse to dance or onions gone missing.

Still, the funding rate has not reached the feverish heights of past euphoric rallies, which means the market is neither delirious nor sober, but somewhere delightfully absurd in between. Should the heroic bulls falter and key supports crumble, expect a sudden, theatrical evacuation worthy of Gogol’s finest farces. Long traders would be forced to abandon ship so fast, their babushkas wouldn’t even have time to make tea. 🍵

Funding rates, as meaningful as a spring in Nizhny Novgorod

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2025-08-23 15:34