Dear Diary,
Today I tried to sound like a seasoned investor but mostly just sounded like someone who once bought Groupon stocks and cried. The eternal struggle: wanting to play the long game while secretly eyeing the exit door like a nervous passenger in a Tesla on Autopilot. Let’s talk about three dividend stocks I’ve decided to “hold forever”-a phrase that terrifies me as much as a bear market in flip-flops.
Ford: The Vintage Car That Needs a Tune-Up
Ford Motor Company (F) is like that family heirloom car in the garage-iconic, but with a few too many “mechanic” stories involving questionable duct tape solutions. Yes, it’s American royalty in the automotive world, but let’s not pretend it’s not struggling to keep up with the EV revolution. Its electric vehicle sales? A paltry 2% of revenue last year-down from 2023. Ouch.
And the dividend? Suspended in 2020 like a bad dating app match. Sure, they reinstated it in 2022, but now it’s a “special one-off” here and there-like a friend who only texts when they need money. The forward yield is 5.3%, which sounds generous until you realize the market is pricing in a doomsday scenario. Maybe it’s time to cash in on the panic, darling.
Why only five years? Because if Ford still looks like it’s stuck in 2010 by 2030, I’ll have to start calling it “Classic Ford” instead of “Future Ford.” And let’s be honest, even vintage cars need to keep up with the times.
Qualcomm: The Tech Relic With a Silver Lining
Qualcomm (QCOM) is the tech equivalent of a well-worn handbag-reliable, slightly outdated, but still capable of carrying all your essentials. Its 2.3% dividend yield isn’t flashy, but it’s been raising payouts for decades. That’s the kind of consistency that makes you want to send a thank-you note, even if the note is scribbled on a napkin while you’re Googling “What is AI again?”
Qualcomm’s chips power everything from smartphones to Copilot+ PCs (Microsoft’s latest AI obsession). It’s not the leader in these spaces, but it’s the “good enough” option-and in a world obsessed with affordability, that might just be the new luxury. The AI hardware market is set to grow at 26% annually through 2030. If that doesn’t make you giddy, maybe check your pulse.
Why only five years? Because by 2030, someone might finally invent a chip that’s both faster and cheaper. Until then, Qualcomm is my mid-market AI babysitter. Let’s hope it doesn’t take a nap during the final act.
Verizon: The Dividend Diva With Debt Issues
Verizon Communications (VZ) is the Botox-treated grande dame of telecom-stable, predictable, and slightly overextended. It controls a third of the U.S. smartphone market, but let’s not pretend it’s doing anything groundbreaking. Its 6.3% dividend yield is seductive, though, especially when paired with 18 consecutive years of raises. It’s the financial equivalent of a five-star spa day: relaxing, slightly indulgent, and slightly guilt-inducing.
But here’s the catch: Verizon’s drowning in $124 billion of debt. Two-thirds of its profits go to dividends, which is impressive… until you realize it’s like paying rent on a mansion you can’t afford. The private 5G venture is its only real growth engine, and honestly, it’s more of a “hope chest” than a cash cow.
Why only five years? Because by 2030, I want to know if Verizon’s debt is a “manageable burden” or a “full-blown financial soap opera.” And if it’s the latter, I need a front-row seat with popcorn.
Units of Cryptocurrency Lost: 12. Hours Spent Watching Charts: 9. Number of Panicked Texts to Friends: 24. 🤷♀️
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2025-08-17 13:42