Why I Just Bought Dogecoin Despite My Better Judgment

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Investing Diary, Thursday, 2:17 p.m.
Dogecoin (ticker: DOGE) is up 49% over the past month. Yes, nearly fifty percent. Yes, I realize this sounds like a line from “Dave’s Get-Rich-Quick Crypto Emporium,” but there it is, blinking at me from every chart. Also, no, I do not need another investment hobby intervention, thanks.

I keep hearing—enthusiastically, worryingly—from respected financial media and also three blokes at my local pub that meme coins are fads, sparkly distractions for the chronically sleep-deprived and those with too much bandwidth for late-night Discords. Sensible people say: “Meme coins have no use case. They always die.” Counterpoint: Dogecoin has stubbornly not died for a literal decade and, maddeningly, sits among the very tallest of the crypto top 10.

Today’s Contrarian Hypothesis: Dogecoin Is Actually Built to Last

First, a confession: I tend to delight in things that “sensible” people roll their eyes at, mostly out of spite but also a fondness for underdogs (underdogs with dog logos help). So, with everyone declaring Dogecoin “rightfully doomed,” wouldn’t it be simply perverse if it’s the most practical thing in my digital wallet?

Consider: Dogecoin has scheduled inflation—5 billion new coins issued each year—and, delightfully, no maximum stopping point. This horrifies my inner economist and, frankly, my mother, who once hoarded Beanie Babies as a hedge against Y2K. But let’s do the sums. At the moment, Dogecoin has a circulation of 150 billion coins, and the inflation rate sits at just over 3%. Fast-forward ten years: supply balloons to 200 billion, inflation trickles down to a genteel 2.5%.

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Here’s the contrarian loop-the-loop: Rather than driving a sudden Dogepocalypse, this gentle, reliable inflation means Dogecoin is—wait for it—better suited for actual use as money rather than as an object of frenzied hoarding. Compare to Bitcoin, gilded king of digital scarcity, forever capped at 21 million tokens. Bitcoin holders (guilty as charged) cling grimly to their assets, half-expecting them to fund future beach retirements and/or minor space travel.

Dogecoin, on the other hand, is designed for moving, not storing. The coin’s official site (which, incidentally, is not run by dogs) claims this makes DOGE “utilitarian and practical.” For once, the marketing spin may have a point. Even the eccentric billionaire club—Elon Musk and Mark Cuban—nod in agreement, both touting Dogecoin’s possible future as humanity’s payment method for, presumably, everything from space burritos to Dallas Mavericks tickets.

Risk Inventory: Emotional. Financial. Dignity-Related.

Of course, here comes the neurotic trembling. Dogecoin is volatile. The number of real-life businesses who accept it is currently about 2,000—roughly equal to the number of times I’ve sworn off speculative trades this year. If you’re like me (contrarian, neurotic, susceptible to dog memes), you will want to invest only what you can lose without having to sell your possessions for rent money.


Units of Dogecoin acquired: Several thousand (they’re cheap, all right?).
Odds of successfully explaining this to my accountant: Low.
Likelihood of Dogecoin upending the global payments system: Nonzero.
Number of smug texts sent to friends: 5.
Actual courage in holding through next price wobble: To be determined.

Long DOGE, short conventional wisdom. If it all goes pear-shaped, at least someone out there will accept my payment in DOGE for a pizza. Probably.
🦮

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2025-08-03 22:27