Dividend Champions. Because nothing says “financial stability” like a company that’s been steadily bleeding cash to shareholders for 25 years. Nearly 140 stocks qualify, which is either impressive or a red flag depending on how much you’ve had to drink at 2 a.m. scrolling through financial reports. But let’s not romanticize this—being a Dividend Champion doesn’t make you a *winner*. It just means you’ve survived long enough to cash a check. Still, some of these stocks might be worth a sideways glance. Here are three I’m watching in 2025, if only to see how badly they’ll let me down.
1. AbbVie
AbbVie (ABBV) isn’t just a Dividend Champion; it’s a Dividend King. Because why stop at 25 years when you can stretch it to 53? Its 3.39% yield is as comforting as a warm blanket made of shareholder expectations—and just as likely to catch fire. I’m keeping an eye on it because nothing excites me more than potential tariffs on pharmaceutical imports. President Trump’s latest threat to turn drugmakers into fiscal piñatas? Let’s just say it’s the kind of chaos I’d bet on a roulette wheel with three extra zeros.
I suspect AbbVie’s stock will dip when the tariffs drop like a bad joke at a funeral. But hey, if it tanks, I’ll probably buy it. Not because I believe in it, but because I believe in buying things that are falling. It’s like shopping for trauma at a discount.
TD Cowen analyst Steve Scala says AbbVie will weather the storm better than its peers. Maybe. Or maybe he’s just trying to sound optimistic before his own stock options expire. Either way, CEO Rob Michael’s pride in making Skyrizi in the U.S.? It’s sweet, like a child’s science fair project. But remember: even American-made drugs can’t shield you from a global market that’s allergic to certainty.
AbbVie’s Q2 results? Stronger than my willpower when faced with a 4 a.m. cookie binge. But let’s not forget—Humira’s glory days are over. Skyrizi and Rinvoq might be the future, but the future is just a fancy word for “untested risks.” Still, I’ll take the dividend. If nothing else, it’ll fund my next round of therapy.
2. Chevron
Chevron (CVX) isn’t a Dividend King yet, but it’s got 38 years of payout increases under its belt. That’s impressive, like a toddler who hasn’t cried in 38 years. Its 4.5% yield is tempting, but oil is a fickle lover. I’ve been watching Chevron for two reasons: its $13 billion Hess acquisition and the oil price rollercoaster. Because nothing says “long-term security” like buying a company during a legal spat with ExxonMobil and hoping no one notices the cracks in the foundation.
The Hess deal closed in July, and the stock hasn’t blinked. Maybe the market is waiting for the other shoe to drop—or maybe it’s just tired of pretending to care. Oil prices have dipped this year, and if they keep falling, Chevron’s shares will follow. But I’ll be there, buying the dip with the same enthusiasm I reserve for Black Friday sales and my ex’s Instagram stories.
3. Target
Target (TGT) is a Dividend King with 54 consecutive payout increases. That’s either a corporate endurance record or a case of dividend addiction. Its 4.5% yield is the highest in decades, thanks to a 12-month stock slump that’s left it trading at a forward P/E of 14.2. Which is cheap if you’re a value investor and mildly concerning if you’re a human being with a pulse.
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Consumer confidence is crumbling, and Target’s DEI rollback? A PR disaster dressed as a fiscal decision. But hey, at least the profits are solid. Or maybe they’re just hiding the rot better. Either way, I’ll keep watching. Because hope is a dangerous thing—and I’m too cheap to unsubscribe.
Dividend stocks are like therapy: expensive, occasionally enlightening, and never what you thought it would be. But here we are. Wishing for stability in a world that thrives on chaos. 🤞
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2025-08-02 14:05