2 Stocks to Make You Rich (If You Survive the Clowns)

Cloud computing? Oh, it’s the new black, darling. Or should I say, the new Microsoft? The demand for these services is rising faster than a medieval scribe with a Wi-Fi fetish. And if you pick the right players, you might just outperform the market while sipping chamomile tea and counting your gains. Let’s chat about two stocks that could turn your $1,000 into a small fortune-or at least a decent down payment on a yacht. Or a llama. Your call.

1. Microsoft

Microsoft’s market cap is so big, even the stock ticker says “MSFT“-short for “Microsoft, Stop Forging Treasures.” But here’s the kicker: Despite being a $4 trillion titan, this company still acts like it’s the underdog. How? Because it is the underdog. The underdog with a moat so wide, even Donald Trump would say, “That’s a moat, folks.”

Let’s talk numbers. In Q4 FY2025, Microsoft’s revenue hit $76.4 billion-like throwing a party and accidentally inviting the entire GDP of Norway. Earnings per share? A princely $3.65. Free cash flow? $25.6 billion. If this were a movie, it’d be called “The Empire Strikes Back (Again, Again).”

Azure, Microsoft’s cloud division, is the real MVP. It’s growing faster than a kid in a candy store… if the candy was cloud storage and the store was run by wizards. And let’s not forget AI-Microsoft’s not just riding the wave; it’s building a lighthouse on it. As Satya Nadella said, “We’re taking share every quarter”-which is code for “we’re not letting Amazon have all the fun.”

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But what about the U.S. government?” Well, Microsoft’s balance sheet is so solid, it makes the U.S. Treasury look like it’s using a “balanced” budget-in a metaphorical sense. And their dividend? It’s been up 167.7% in a decade. That’s not just a raise; it’s a standing ovation from Wall Street.

So, here’s your invitation: For $1,000, you can buy one share of Microsoft and feel like a genius. Or at least like someone who once correctly guessed that the sky is blue.

2. Veeva Systems

Veeva Systems is the medieval apothecary of the cloud world. While Microsoft is the king of the castle, Veeva’s the guy selling you the digital vials. Specializing in life sciences? Oh, that’s just a fancy way of saying, “We make cloud solutions for companies that spend more on R&D than your Netflix subscription.”

Veeva’s clients are like medieval kings-picky, paranoid, and willing to pay a fortune for a digital satchel that doesn’t spill. And guess what? They’ve hit a $3 billion revenue run rate a year early. That’s not just success; it’s a standing ovation from pharmaceutical giants who’ve probably never laughed at a pun in their lives.

Veeva’s Q1 FY2026 revenue? $759 million. That’s enough to buy a small kingdom… or a lot of really expensive cloud storage for your digital elixirs. And their adjusted EPS? A tidy $1.97. That’s not just growth; it’s a full-on parade with floats and marching bands made of data centers.

Why does Veeva work? Because switching costs are like a medieval curse: Once you’re in, you’re in. And with the life sciences industry booming faster than a lab-grown steak, Veeva’s got a golden goose in a lab coat. So, for $1,000, you can buy three shares and feel like you’ve cracked the code. Or at least like you’ve finally mastered the art of not losing money in the stock market.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But what if I’m wrong?” Well, folks, that’s the beauty of investing. It’s not about being right all the time-it’s about being funny all the time. And if you’re not laughing, you’re probably doing it wrong. 😄

2025-08-13 18:06

1. Microsoft

2. Veeva Systems

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