In the twilight of a world gone mad, the Trump administration, with a flourish of its gilded quill, has absolved Binance’s Changpeng Zhao (CZ) of his sins. 🕊️✨
Mere days after Trump feigned ignorance of the crypto titan-“CZ? Sounds like a vitamin,” he quipped-he erased his anti-money laundering convictions with the stroke of a pen. 🖋️💨
The White House Declares: A New Dawn for Crypto, or Just Another Circus Act?
Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, with the gravitas of a Shakespearean fool, proclaimed the pardon a beacon of “financial freedom” and “innovation.” 🎭🚀 “Biden’s war on crypto is over,” she declared, her voice echoing through the marble halls of absurdity. Meanwhile, the blockchain weeps, unsure if it’s being saved or sold.
“Regulatory crusade? More like a regulatory siesta,” she sneered, accusing the previous administration of driving talent abroad. 🌍💤
“Trump pardoned CZ because innovation shouldn’t be a crime-unless it’s a crime against good taste,” Leavitt added, her sarcasm sharper than a blockchain fork. 🍴💥
CZ, the crypto sphinx, remains a riddle wrapped in an enigma, his four-month sentence a mere blip in his odyssey. 🧭⏳ Critics howl that the pardon undermines justice, while supporters toast it as a toast to the future. 🥂🚀
Trump, ever the maestro of misdirection, insists, “I don’t know who he is. Biden’s witch hunt, probably.” 🧙♂️🔥 TradFi media, ever credulous, nodded along.
“A witch hunt? More like a witch’s tea party,” one pundit quipped. 🧙♀️☕
Pardon Amid Chaos: The Government Shutdown Reaches Biblical Proportions
As the US government shutdown stretched into its 35th day-longer than a Tolstoy novel-the pardon dropped like a plot twist in a soap opera. 🧼📺 Federal agencies, shuttered and silent, watched as $600 billion in debt piled up. 💸💸💸
“$17 billion per day? That’s enough to buy a small country-or a really big yacht,” the Kobeissi Letter remarked dryly. 🚤💰
Trump’s advisers, ever the spin doctors, painted the shutdown as Democratic folly. “They’re fighting for healthcare for illegal aliens while America burns,” Leavitt declared, her indignation as thick as a blockchain ledger. 🔥🩺
“A disgrace? More like a tragicomedy,” one observer noted, sipping tea. ☕😏
And so, the saga continues: a pardon, a shutdown, and a world teetering on the edge of farce. 🌍🤹♂️ Will Trump’s crypto gambit pay off, or will it all end in a blockchain bust? Only time-and the markets-will tell. ⏳📉
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2025-11-05 01:02