Ah, Tether, that enigmatic titan of the crypto realm, has once again left us scratching our heads and chuckling into our tea. 🍵 The issuer of USDT, the stablecoin that somehow remains stable despite its penchant for drama, has evolved into a creature of peculiar ambition. Under the stewardship of CEO Paolo Ardoino, Tether has abandoned its digital cradle and waddled into the commodious arms of gold, like a duckling mistaking a lion for its mother. 🦆🦁
Yes, gold. That shiny, ancient relic of value, which Tether now hoards with the fervor of a dragon guarding its treasure. 🏰 Recent whispers from the Financial Times reveal that Tether has become the largest non-central bank holder of gold, amassing over 120 tons of the stuff. Imagine the vaults! The sheer weight of it all! One might wonder if they’re planning to build a golden fortress to fend off the volatility of their own creation. 🏰💰
Tether’s Golden Delusions
According to the ever-astute Bryce Elder, Tether’s gold pile rivals that of smaller central banks-Korea, Hungary, Greece. 🏛️ Last quarter, their gold binge accounted for nearly 2% of global demand, or 12% of central bank purchases. Why? Because, as insiders murmur, gold is “a superior store of value” and “a better hedge against inflation” than digital currencies. Ah, the irony! The crypto giant now clings to the very thing it once sought to disrupt. 🪙💨
But wait, there’s more! While Tether’s Bitcoin holdings gather dust, its gold acquisitions have surged. 26 tons this year alone, bringing the total to 116 tons. And they’re not stopping there. Tether is now dabbling in gold royalty companies, financing mines in exchange for a cut of future profits. Because why settle for digital dominance when you can control the earth’s crust itself? ⛏️✨
A Royalty in the Making-or a Farce?
In June, Tether Investments splashed $105 million on a minority stake in Elemental Altus, a Toronto-listed royalty firm. By September, they’d poured another $100 million into the pot, securing a controlling stake post-merger with EMX. Insiders hint at grander plans: consolidating the gold royalty space. “Their goal is to keep consolidating,” one whispered, as if Tether were a monarch playing chess with the market. ♟️👑
Not everyone is amused. One commodity executive dubbed Tether “the weirdest company I have ever dealt with.” 🤪 Fair enough. Gold royalties, after all, offer a peculiar advantage: fixed exposure to gold prices, shielding Tether from the very volatility it once embraced. Yet, amid this gilded spree, shadows loom. S&P Global has downgraded Tether’s assets to “weak,” citing its risky reserve choices. Oh, the irony of a stablecoin issuer teetering on unstable ground! ⚖️💥
CEO Ardoino, ever the provocateur, responded on X (formerly Twitter): “We wear your loathing with pride.” 🦹♂️ He dismissed traditional rating systems as “outdated” and “unreliable,” a bold claim from a man whose company’s stability hinges on trust. But then, isn’t that the Chekhovian tragedy of it all? The crypto revolutionary, now a gold bug, spurned by the very system it sought to overthrow. 🌀
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2025-11-28 13:21