It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single altcoin in possession of a modest market cap, must be in want of a 58 % moon-shot. 🚀
Coinbase Declares the Altcoin Season Will Debut in September-Pray, Where Were Your Stables When the Music Began?
On the 14th of August, Coinbase Institutional-whose prognostications are as eagerly awaited as Lady Catherine’s invitations-issued a report whimsically entitled “Altcoin Season Cometh.” Mr David Duong, that amiable oracle of global research, confessed:
Our 3Q25 outlook remains delightfully constructive, though our opinion on an altcoin season has undergone a metamorphosis more startling than Mr Darcy’s first proposal. 😏
The gentleman continued, with the gravity of a clergyman announcing a scandal:
Current market conditions now whisper of a full-scale altcoin season as September saunters in, parasol aloft.
Indeed, macroeconomic breezes have turned unseasonably favourable, and the regulatory horizon-once as foggy as Rosings Park before breakfast-has cleared to reveal a tolerable prospect. The Altcoin Season Index, though still beneath the august threshold of 75, has watched altcoin market capitalisation swell by more than 50 % since early July, arriving at a respectable £1.4 trillion on the 12th of August. 💰
Meanwhile, Bitcoin’s dominance has modestly retreated from 65 % in May to a humbler 59 % in August-rather like Mr Collins realising the drawing-room is already full of more interesting company. The report notes, with barely concealed glee, that some $7.2 trillion languishes in American money-market funds, awaiting only the slightest hint of Fed leniency to flood the crypto ballrooms like unmarried ladies at the Netherfield assembly.
Liquidity, that most capricious of chaperones, is at last permitting stablecoins to multiply and spot volumes to flutter their fans. Coinbase reminds us that a gentle uptick in global M2 has historically preceded Bitcoin’s livelier reels, hinting that the orchestra may strike up again in late Q3 or early Q4.
As for ETH-the undisputed belle of the institutional ball-its devoted admirers (Bitmine Immersion Technologies, Sharplink Gaming, &c.) have amassed over 2.95 million tokens, a hoard exceeding 2 % of the entire supply and enough to make even Lady Catherine arch an eyebrow. High-beta cousins ARB, ENA, OP, and (most flamboyantly) LDO have taken to the floor with daring quadrilles; LDO itself has vaulted 58 % this month alone, emboldened by a discreet nod from the SEC suggesting that liquid staking may, under certain conditions, be considered perfectly respectable-no securities offering, no scandal. 🕺💃
Our sanguine disposition rests upon both the kindness of macro winds and the promise of regulatory civility, the report concluded, as though announcing the final dance before supper.
Let every prudent investor therefore polish their slippers-and perhaps their Ledger-for September’s soirée promises to be the most diverting of the season. One only hopes the musicians keep playing long enough for the wallflowers to secure a partner. 😉
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2025-08-17 04:58