Oh boy, another day, another crypto wizard making predictions from their mom’s basement! π§ββοΈ Let me tell you about this analyst who’s apparently as “closely followed” as my attempts to stick to a diet.
Some mysterious crypto guru who goes by “Altcoin Sherpa” (because apparently “CryptoNerd123” was taken) is telling their 243,800 followers about BONK – yes, that’s actually the name of a cryptocurrency. It sounds like something my daughter would name a stuffed animal. π§Έ
This financial fortune-teller is drawing lines on charts like they’re playing a very expensive game of connect-the-dots, suggesting BONK will hit $0.000012. That’s so many zeros, I feel like I’m counting my bank account after a Whole Foods shopping spree. π
“BONK is looking strong,” they say, which is exactly what I tell myself before giving up on my New Year’s resolutions every February. πͺ
Currently, BONK is worth $0.00001376 – or as I like to call it, “about as much as my high school popularity.” π
But wait, there’s more! They’re also excited about something called Alchemist AI (ALCH), which lets you write code without knowing how to code. It’s like me trying to explain TikTok to my parents – technically possible but probably won’t end well. π€
ALCH is currently the 431st-largest crypto asset, which is like being the 431st most popular pizza topping – technically on the list, but nobody’s excited about it. π
As for Bitcoin, our crypto crystal ball gazer thinks it’ll bounce between $70,000 and $90,000, which is coincidentally the same range as my anxiety levels during a Zoom call with my boss. π
Bitcoin is currently at $85,366, which is approximately what I spent on cheese last year. Don’t judge me. π§
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2025-04-14 03:02