🔥 Rumble’s $1.17B Gamble: Will AI Cloud Dreams Outshine Bitcoin Blues? 🤔

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Ah, the sweet scent of ambition mixed with a dash of absurdity! Rumble, that plucky little video platform known for championing independent creators (and occasionally courting controversy), is tiptoeing into the global AI race like a chess grandmaster who forgot his glasses. The prize? A potential all-stock acquisition of Tether-backed Northern Data-valued at a cool $1.17 billion. Yes, you read that right. Billions. With a “B.” 😎

If this deal goes through-and oh, what a delightful “if” it is-Northern Data shareholders will receive 2.319 Rumble Class A shares for each of theirs, leaving them with about 33.3% ownership of the newly minted tech behemoth. Or, as we might call it, Frankenstein’s Monster Inc. Of course, nothing is final yet; the offer hinges on due diligence, negotiations, and regulatory approval-a trifecta of bureaucratic hurdles that could make even Kafka roll over in his grave. 📜

Rumble Targets Northern Data’s GPU Goldmine 💻✨

Why does Rumble covet Northern Data so fervently? Ah, dear reader, let us not mistake this for mere infatuation. No, it’s all about Taiga Cloud and Ardent data centers-the crown jewels of Northern Data’s empire. Taiga boasts roughly 20,480 Nvidia H100 GPUs and over 2,000 H200 GPUs, those silicon darlings fueling the current AI frenzy. Imagine trying to explain these numbers to your grandparents. “Grandma, think of them as… very expensive calculators.” 🧮

But wait, there’s more! Northern Data operates five data center sites with a whopping potential capacity of nearly 850 MW, including one under construction in Georgia. Rumble envisions itself transformed into a global AI cloud leader by acquiring these assets. One can almost hear the boardroom echoes of someone saying, “We’ll be unstoppable!” Cue dramatic music. 🎶

Bitcoin Mining Exit Before the Deal ⛏️➡️🚪

Here comes the twist: Northern Data must divest its Peak Mining Bitcoin business before sealing the deal. And yes, they’re already mid-divorce, having struck a $235 million agreement to sell to U.S.-based Elektron Energy. For those keeping score, that’s $175 million upfront and the rest tied to performance targets-a bit like tipping your waiter based on how well he remembers your order. Proceeds from this sale will help repay part of a shareholder loan from Tether, which owns 54% of Northern Data. How convenient! 👌

Tether’s Full Support (Because Why Not?) 🤝💸

Tether, ever the supportive parent, has thrown its weight behind the proposal. It promises to swap its Northern Data shares for Rumble stock on the same terms as everyone else. Oh, and just to keep things spicy, Tether plans to become a major GPU customer under a multi-year agreement. Because nothing screams “stable investment” like crypto-backed ventures diving headfirst into volatile markets. 🤷‍♂️

Market Reaction Tells Another Story 📉😭

Alas, the market seems less enchanted by this tale of corporate romance. Northern Data’s stock plummeted 27% after the announcement, hitting its lowest level in a year. The offer values the company at around $18.3 per share-a 32% discount to its last close in Frankfurt. Ouch. Perhaps investors are channeling their inner Oscar Wilde: “To lose one percent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose thirty-two looks like carelessness.” 🎭

For now, the acquisition remains hypothetical-a mirage shimmering tantalizingly on the horizon. But if Rumble pushes forward, we may witness an unprecedented collision of crypto-backed bravado and AI-cloud aspirations. Buckle up, folks. This ride promises to be either revolutionary or hilariously disastrous. Or both. 🚀💣

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2025-08-11 14:13