The sun rises crimson over Coinbase’s ledger—like the last gasp of a dying bourgeoisie. XRP, that proletarian rogue, has strangled Ethereum’s bourgeois neck in a financial brawl worthy of a dockside tavern brawl! 🔥
XRP Strangles ETH on Coinbase With the Grace of a Drunken Crane Operator 🏗️
Lo! The SEC’s filings—those tattered scrolls of capitalist bureaucracy—reveal a truth as bitter as cheap vodka: XRP clawed 16% of Coinbase’s loot, leaving Ethereum whimpering at 15%. Ah, the sweet schadenfreude! A year ago, XRP wasn’t even deemed worthy of a footnote, and now? It dances on Ethereum’s grave with hobnail boots. 😈
“Blimey!” cried some bespectacled researcher on X (formerly Twitter, may it rest in capitalist purgatory). “XRP—that scrappy underdog—out-earned ETH! Can you smell the burning Ether? I can!”

Remember 2021? When Coinbase, trembling like a tsarist lackey, booted XRP after the SEC’s wagging finger? Ha! The courts spat on that cowardice. Now XRP is back—hungrier than a stray dog in a meatpacking district. Q2 saw it snatch 13% of revenue while ETH coughed up a measly 12%. Oh, how the mighty tremble! 🤡
And derivatives! Sweet Lenin, the derivatives! Coinbase cackles like a market-hag, boasting of 24/7 futures for BTC, ETH, SOL, and XRP—because why sleep when you can gamble? Weekend volumes now nip at weekdays like rats at a sausage. 🐀
Mark August 18, comrades! Nano XRP futures launch—small enough to fit in a worker’s pocket, yet potent enough to choke the old guard. “Market access for all!” they cry. We’ll see. 😏
Read More
- Gold Rate Forecast
- Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg Just Assembled a “Super Intelligence Avengers” Team That Could Totally Change the Game in Artificial Intelligence (AI). Here’s Why That Makes Meta a “Must-Own” AI Stock.
- 📢 BrownDust2 X BiliBili World 2025 Special Coupon!
- Prediction: This Will Be Palantir’s Stock Price in 3 Years
- KPop Demon Hunters Had a Kiss Scene? Makers Reveal Truth Behind Rumi and Jinu’s Love Story
- The Lucid-Uber Robotaxi Deal: How Nvidia Will Also Benefit
- Wuchang Fallen Feathers Save File Location on PC
- Battlefield 6 will reportedly be released in October 2025
- Umamusume: Daiwa Scarlet build guide
- Why Tesla Stock Plummeted 21.3% in the First Half of 2025 — and What Comes Next
2025-08-02 04:57