🇷🇺💰 Sberbank Goes Crypto-Crazy: Bitcoin Loans & Digital Rubles, Oh My!

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Well, slap my face and call me a blockchain! 🇷🇺’s banking bigwig, Sberbank, has gone full crypto-crazy, handing out the country’s first-ever corporate loan backed by Bitcoin. 🎉 Yep, you heard that right. Intelion Data, a Bitcoin mining giant, just got a loan with their digital loot as collateral. Talk about putting your money where your blockchain is! 💸

In this pilot deal (because, let’s be real, they’re still figuring out if this is a genius move or a financial faceplant), Intelion pledged their freshly mined crypto as collateral. It’s like saying, “Here, hold my Bitcoin while I do a backflip into the future of finance.” 🌪️✨

Sberbank, being the mysterious diva it is, refused to spill the tea on the loan’s size, crypto amount, or duration. Classic. “It’s experimental,” they said, winking. “Not a full commercial rollout,” they added, sipping their digital martini. 🍸

But here’s the kicker: Sberbank’s secret weapon is Rutoken, their fancy digital asset custody solution. It’s like a crypto vault with a bouncer, making sure the collateral stays put. No sneaky Bitcoin escapes on their watch! 🚫🚪

All this crypto chaos comes as Russia’s like, “SWIFT? More like SLOW-FT. We’ll just do our own thing, thanks.” 🖕 Meanwhile, Elvira Nabiullina, the Central Bank’s queen bee, is hyping up the digital ruble like it’s the next big TikTok trend. “It’s going well!” she gushed, probably while scrolling through smart contract memes. 🤓

Apparently, 1,700 individuals, 15 banks, and 30 companies are already in on the digital ruble pilot. That’s more participants than my last Zoom yoga class. 🧘‍♀️ And guess what? They’re planning to expand it later. Because why stop the party now?

“Smart contracts are the new black,” Elvira declared, probably in a power blazer. “The digital ruble is like the little black dress of finance-versatile, chic, and everyone wants a piece.” 💃 But don’t hold your breath for the mass launch just yet. They’re still ironing out the wrinkles. Literally. 🧵

“We’ll consult with banks, businesses, and probably my cat,” she added. “Because why not? Everyone’s got an opinion these days.” 🐱

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2026-01-01 13:22