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Let us consider, then, two such glimmers: Spotify Technology, and Pinterest. Not shining beacons, mind you, but flickering candles in the gloom, worthy of a closer inspection, particularly for those with a tolerance for risk and a fondness for the peculiar.

They rent out space in these digital caverns to the giants, and also to a rather brainy bunch called OpenAI – the folks who make computers talk, if you can imagine such a thing. The real muscle behind it all, the very whizz-bangery, comes from something called ‘GPUs’ – graphics processing units – made by a company called Nvidia. But CoreWeave isn’t just a customer, oh no. They’ve become… well, let’s just say Nvidia has taken a rather substantial liking to them.

They both want to be the operating system for everything, naturally. It reminds me of my brother, Mark, trying to organize our mother’s Tupperware collection. An admirable effort, but ultimately doomed to failure. There’s just too much plastic. And in this case, too much data. Alphabet, with its Gemini models embedded in everything from search to, apparently, Apple’s revamped Siri (launching in 2026, a lifetime in tech years), is betting on ubiquity. Siri, though. That’s a bold move. I’ve had more coherent conversations with Winston. But the Apple deal is clever. It’s like admitting search isn’t enough, that you need access to two billion devices to really matter. Their $155 billion backlog in Google Cloud is impressive, and the Wiz acquisition, if it goes through, will be interesting. Though, honestly, the names of these security firms all blend together after a while. It’s like they’re trying to sound vaguely menacing.

The question, inevitably, arises: a bubble? Time, as always, will be the judge. But I suspect the technology itself possesses a certain staying power, a cold, logical persistence. It is the attendant frenzy, the proliferation of ventures built on vapor and hope, that will likely founder. The true cost, as ever, will be borne by those least equipped to absorb the shock.

But here’s the kicker. That initial investment? Multiply it by, oh, just a little over a million percent. 1,051,600% to be precise, as of January 30th. I mean, seriously? That’s the kind of return that makes you question all your life choices. Like, maybe I should have skipped that art history degree and just…invested in fries.

But fear not, for here enters Artificial Intelligence, a sort of digital Jeeves, if you will, capable of sorting out these bothersome details with a speed and efficiency that would make even the most seasoned logistics manager green with envy. It’s a splendid thing, AI, and Samsara (IOT 3.58%), a company that seems to have grasped its potential, has been making rather a name for itself. Though, I must confess, the market has been a bit beastly to it of late, knocking the stock down a good 33% in the last year. A temporary setback, I suspect, for a fundamentally sound concern.

They’re launching these “AI-powered initiatives,” which, let’s be honest, sounds like corporate jargon designed to make you feel vaguely uncomfortable. Apparently, they’re trying to fix the nurse shortage with an AI staffing tool. A tool. Like nurses are just…pieces to be moved around a board. It’s the principle of the thing! There’s a shortage because people are exhausted and underpaid, not because the scheduling software isn’t optimized. But, okay, fine, if it means fewer administrators hovering around, maybe it’s not the worst. It’s just…reducing a human problem to a logistical one. It feels…off.

One observes, however, that the vast majority of spending still occurs in those rather old-fashioned establishments known as shops. But fear not, for the trend is undeniably upwards, and a shrewd investor might well consider where the best opportunities lie. It’s a positively brimming market, and we’re not talking about Amazon, you understand.

Currently, my top pick – the one I’m actually planning to buy more of this February – is the Schwab U.S. Dividend Equity ETF (SCHD +1.53%). It’s not glamorous, I admit. But then, financial security rarely is. It’s more…reliable. Like a sensible pair of shoes. Which is exactly what I need, considering I’ve been running around chasing shiny objects (cryptocurrency, mostly) for far too long.