Bitcoin Rockets Past $97K and Token2049 Gets Extra Weird: Neon, Cosplay & Eric Trump?!

by

As the cacophony of the trade war—customarily shrill, like a flock of parrots in a thunderstorm—sank back into blessed irrelevance last week, the markets stretched out with the languor of a sated cat, and lo, Bitcoin slithered upward, surpassing $97,000. Token2049 Dubai, meanwhile, unfurled its spangled tents, mixing Wall Street’s gravitas with the subtlety of a carnival on amphetamines. 🪀🌙

If your inbox is suffering from existential ennui—and whose isn’t these days—may I encourage you to subscribe to the Week in Review newsletter? The editorial arrives as irresponsibly hot as a Dubai afternoon, still dripping with the perfume of ink!

Bitcoin and Token2049 Dubai

Bitcoin burst through $97,000, a dizzying 18% rebound since March, restoring hope—and perhaps inducing migraines—in equal measure. One cannot help but note the influence of institutional actors: ETF inflows, louder than the applause at a banker’s child’s piano recital, and the relentless narrative that bitcoin is now the new gold. Spoiler: No one can eat either one. 🍫🌟

The relative silence on trade war news, after weeks of crescendoing Trumpian tariff toccatas, let both traditional and crypto markets rise—like soufflés, if you will. Of course, the media can never truly be silent; occasional squawks from the tariff petting zoo persisted. But even markets need a nap now and again.

Your humble author—armed with a notepad, a recorder, and catastrophic levels of curiosity—cavorted through Token2049: interviewing, spectating, sampling coconut water and existential dread. Eric Trump graced Day 2, a digital sovereignty evangelist with all the panache of a real estate agent on the moon. Yes, he confirmed, you can buy a Trump tower apartment in Dubai with bitcoin. Checks wallet, finds only lint and a Pokémon card.

Meanwhile, the esteemed World Liberty Financial unveiled plans for its USD1 stablecoin on TRON, seeking to conquer market cap summits with all the subtlety of a marching band at a chess match.

Changpeng Zhao (CZ) ghosted into public view (blink and you’d miss him). His most delectable pronouncement: “Europe isn’t even on the crypto reserve map.” Oh, Europe! Rushing ahead with MiCA, but somehow standing at the wrong platform, suitcase in hand, train whistling away. In my chat with KuCoin EU’s CEO, Oliver Stauber, he looked at the continent’s crypto future with the wistfulness of an extra in a French arthouse film: grim in the short-term, sunny eventually—or maybe just less foggy.

And the spectacle! A zipline (sure, nothing says “serious financial symposium” like a wire across the cosmos), climbing walls, costumed mascots lumbering about with the dignity of startled elephants, men in mirrored suits (I expect they charge extra for existential crises), cold plunge (if only for my portfolio), coconuts, neon everywhere, arcade games, a race simulator that triggered my last three existential crises, and, inevitably, cosplay girls. Even the cynics looked excited, like hedge fund managers spotting a typo in the IRS code. Overheard: “zipline to the moon!” Rather on the nose, but this is Dubai, darling. 🧗‍♂️🥥🧊

My farewell interview starred Eric Balchunas, ETF whisperer for Bloomberg and my North Star in this ETF Bermuda Triangle. He kindly dialed down my fear of irrational exuberance in the ballroom, and reframed the upcoming clash: spot bitcoin ETFs versus the motley crew of native crypto custodians, wrapped coin merchants, bitcoin L2 boosters. May the best acronym win!

Once, childlike, I believed native custodians would surely win. Now, I’m less certain. The crypto crowd, still waltzing with nostalgia, seems to miss the gravity (ha!) of ETFs.

It must be said—a non-trivial slice of Bitcoin’s bungee-jump price action is thanks to ETF inflows. Their shadow grows longer; tick-tock, ETF o’clock. Underestimate these financial behemoths at your peril. Just ask the traditional stock market. Or anyone who tried to sell fidget spinners in 2024.

Read More

2025-05-11 00:12